The last few days have been rough; and I mean gut wretching, tear filled, guilt ridden, head pounding, emotional volcano explosion, rough. For many years in my past, I have been someone that I don't even recognize anymore. I was scared, hurt, lost, chained by a repeated merry-go-round of habits I couldn't excape, I didn't know how to escape. Inside was a little girl crying to be released from the cage she had been forced into. As I'm learning to reach up to get the keys of willingness from the Creator above, I can see the light finally reaching through the darkness to show me the way. However, the muck and weights that I have been carrying, and adding to for so many years is trying to keep me down. I know they will not forever be there, and most days I wish I could just float up from the cage and be set free immediately, that would not give me the muscles I need in future battles. Somes I feel like I just want to dig down deeper, hide, and pretend that little girl has never existed, and go back down the crappy road I was stuck on, that would not allow me any room to grow. I truly am grateful that through this journey I am not alone, that I have help along the way. As long as I continue reaching up and out, I will escape to the true reality of love, peace and joy. This gives me hope everytime I feel like giving up. I've come a long way, and I will continue to fight. I know many others out there are going through their own version of this battle. We are not alone, peace waits just beyond the darkness, we just have to keep reaching, because hands will always be there guiding us out.
W hy am I so scared to heal? Is it laziness? Is it fear? What am I scared of? Why don't I want to thrive, only survive? I have issues with isolation, laziness, distractions. How do I get out of this loop? I'm frozen, stalled. Procrastination and avoidance are my daily routines. Frozen 24 April 2022 Marie Slider Scared to heal, scared to live, Why is there no care that I give? Desire to run or walk away, But can't take a step to get out of my way. I'm frozen in a bubble of time, Completely surrounded by dust and grime. Cobwebs entangle my conscious mind, Body entangled by ropes that bind. Apathy threatens to take control, Darkening my beautiful soul. My light inside, it flickers and fades, Isolation cuts like sharpened blades. Fear of failure and fear of success, My brain and heart are completely a mess. Can't see a way out most of the days, My mind's labyrinth firmly betrays. Self-awareness, a strength to many who seek, For a person like m
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