Marie Slider

15 October 2018 I'm sittinghere in the VA psych unit, a place I never thought I'd be. My ego has always told me I had to do everything on my own. Asking for help was always taboo; at least the kind of help I really needed. I knew if I said the wrong thing to the wrong person, they would walk away from me, abandon me, and leave me on my own again. I had to be selectively honest. I had to change myself into the person I thought others wanted me to be. I had to put a smile on my face, so no one would ever ask me what was wrong, and look at me as less than. I had to get what I could from you, then push you away before you could hurt me. My walls were so thick, I became numb. I lost me. I then started hating me for the person I was turning into. I ran from those emotions and the carnal worldly lifestyle of addictions became my safety net, I could always count on them. They would never leave me. I could find them anywhere. This was my mentality for many years. Becoming sober was

Hope In The Fight 6 October 2018 The fight is still so real, it pulls me to and fro. It makes me feel insane, like I have nowhere safe to go. It yells inside my head, tells me I'm a fool; That in seeking out some help, I'm just another mule. I know that this is temporary, it will not last that long, And the purpose of this fight, is to make me strong. I know that there are others fighting right beside; Yet part of me still wishes, the fight would just subside. Depression and anxiety fill me to the core. I can tell you this much, this life is not a bore. There's beauty still around, faith and love still there; Even though I hide them, making me feel bare. I won't give into evil, it cannot have my life; Though it tries to overcome, and cuts me like a knife. I know that God is watching, offering His aid; Sometimes it's through angels, or offering a blockade. Sometimes it's through man who offer a kind deed; Or nature, music, scriptures; even in