Frozen

Why am I so scared to heal? Is it laziness? Is it fear? What am I scared of? Why don't I want to thrive, only survive? I have issues with isolation, laziness, distractions. How do I get out of this loop? I'm frozen, stalled. Procrastination and avoidance are my daily routines.

Frozen

24 April 2022

Marie Slider

Scared to heal, scared to live,

Why is there no care that I give?

Desire to run or walk away,

But can't take a step to get out of my way.

I'm frozen in a bubble of time,

Completely surrounded by dust and grime.

Cobwebs entangle my conscious mind,

Body entangled by ropes that bind.

Apathy threatens to take control,

Darkening my beautiful soul.

My light inside, it flickers and fades,

Isolation cuts like sharpened blades.

Fear of failure and fear of success,

My brain and heart are completely a mess.

Can't see a way out most of the days,

My mind's labyrinth firmly betrays.

Self-awareness, a strength to many who seek,

For a person like me, it just makes me weak.

The answers to questions are already found,

How to put them to work, is way too profound.

Feeling alone in this world of pain,

For many, relief is easy to attain.

Stuck in this loop day by day,

Consistently fighting to find a way,

To keep me from taking the easy way out,

Of running and hiding or lazing about.

Or going back to my old way of life,

Avoiding these feeling that cut like a knife.

Although these feeling are overwhelming,

The benefits of healing are very compelling.

The pain is a bridge to a new way of life,

I'm not sure what that is, while still in this strife.

But glimpses I've seen in the eyes of many,

The resemblance to God is completely uncanny.

Lots of work to be done, and patience to find,

To help me get out of the ropes that bind.

I've learned that I do not fight solo,

For help was promised a long time ago.

A Christ was born to take this pain,

So happiness I can attain.

One day, I hope to understand this,

When He reaches out for my hand with His.

He will pull me up where I truly belong,

And I will praise Him in holy song.

To God, he will bring this humble girl.

The one inside me to be unfurled.

For she has been hiding under this mess;

She's been yelling out to me in distress.

I just keep on pushing her down,

But I know that to God, she will always be found.

God will embrace me with his heart,

And all of his love he will impart.

Then I will learn what this life really meant,

And understand why I chose to be sent.

With this reminder, faith again takes control,

Reminding me to keep God in my soul.

I can fight through these feeling, with help on my side,

And make it through this life's crazy ride.

Ancestors, friends, and family too,

Are there to help, my faith to renew.

Ups and downs will keep happening, that is a fact,

I have to keep fighting to get out of that act.

I keep telling myself to never give in,

For if I stay frozen, life will never begin.