Marie Slider

W hy am I so scared to heal? Is it laziness? Is it fear? What am I scared of? Why don't I want to thrive, only survive? I have issues with isolation, laziness, distractions. How do I get out of this loop? I'm frozen, stalled. Procrastination and avoidance are my daily routines. Frozen 24 April 2022 Marie Slider Scared to heal, scared to live, Why is there no care that I give? Desire to run or walk away, But can't take a step to get out of my way. I'm frozen in a bubble of time, Completely surrounded by dust and grime. Cobwebs entangle my conscious mind, Body entangled by ropes that bind. Apathy threatens to take control, Darkening my beautiful soul. My light inside, it flickers and fades, Isolation cuts like sharpened blades. Fear of failure and fear of success, My brain and heart are completely a mess. Can't see a way out most of the days, My mind's labyrinth firmly betrays. Self-awareness, a strength to many who seek, For a person like m...

  Traveling Again (a Journey poem #3)  11 May 2022 Marie Slider I'm on that rough path again, though this time I see the lies, T hat Satan often tells me, but God, he hears my cries. Those rocks and sticks I've overcome, I thought would break my bones, Have only made me stronger, many times I have been shown. I'm not that same lost girl, who was stuck in the dark, The warmth of that calm spirit, resides within my heart. The darkness tries to overcome, but this journey has let me see, That I've walked this path before, and God can set me free. I have to push myself again, to walk this path of sorrow, And I know that, yet again, I may walk it tomorrow. Today, however, I can find that door that's so inviting, And be embraced by Heavenly Father, (isn't that exciting?) He will always give me peace, if I reach out my hand And I know that one day, I will permanently take that stand. But, if I have to turn around, and take another journey, Through t...

Not Lost 18 June 2020 Marie Slider Lost in my brain, feeling insane; not sure of where to go. Yearn to be free; what's happening to me? In a boat I cannot row. Thoughts reign supreme, or so it seems; where can I find release? Where can I run? This is not very fun; why can I not find peace? What's that I hear? It's not very clear; where is it coming from? A pitter a patter, I feel like this matters; the noise is that of a drum. It's not a loud sound, but it booms all around; A stirring within my heart. The spirit, it speaks; the brain starts to weep, for the curtains they finally part. They show a love there, that the brain said was bare, and so I could not see. How much I have grown; that I'm never alone; that Someone is holding me. The scars that I've earned, are lessons Ive learned and I cannot forget; The fact of the matter; I did not shatter, And I will not live in regret. So when I feel lost, and my brain feels tossed, I hope thes...

The Seed of Hope Marie Slider 10 April 2019 A seed of hope was given, by one who came before; I put it in my chest, to see if it could bore. The roots began to dig so deep, they wrapped around my heart; Planting themself firmly, so they could never part. That hope grew strong as tree trunks, reaching to the sky, Forever part of me, I'll have it when I die. That seed of hope was planted, somewhere in my past, And forever I will show the world, the way this hope can last. Sometimes my hope it hibernates, and it seems pretty bare. However I still feel it then, and remember I must share. My seed it must be watered first, but what can feed that hope? I cannot rely fully, on just the need to cope. The want to share is great and all, for now work must be done. For if I don't protect the growth, it could be overrun. I must gain understanding, of how hope can be changed, To faith where there's no room for doubt, that things have been arranged. My heart it must b...

A New Start 26 December 2018 Gratitude is something, I try to live each day, It's more than just a thank you, while passing on my way. It's a lifestyle I have learned, that helps me overcome, The struggles I am going through, and the battles I have won. It's a pathway to a freedom, money can't a ttain , Where fear of loss and heartbreak, no longer can remain . Many things have happened, in my crazy life. The pain from some of then, still cut me like a knife. Though I know that these memories, still make me sad some days, I know the pain is fading, into a blurry haze. I have hope in my heart, and faith in my spirit, For now I can help others, as they go through it. There's many God dots, I'm seeing each day, And I'm learning to connect them, no matter where they lay. I cannot change my past, or predict the future, I only have today, for healing to occur...

15 October 2018 I'm sittinghere in the VA psych unit, a place I never thought I'd be. My ego has always told me I had to do everything on my own. Asking for help was always taboo; at least the kind of help I really needed. I knew if I said the wrong thing to the wrong person, they would walk away from me, abandon me, and leave me on my own again. I had to be selectively honest. I had to change myself into the person I thought others wanted me to be. I had to put a smile on my face, so no one would ever ask me what was wrong, and look at me as less than. I had to get what I could from you, then push you away before you could hurt me. My walls were so thick, I became numb. I lost me. I then started hating me for the person I was turning into. I ran from those emotions and the carnal worldly lifestyle of addictions became my safety net, I could always count on them. They would never leave me. I could find them anywhere. This was my mentality for many years. Becoming sober was ...