Marie Slider Henriksen

 I find myself still struggling with what it means to be a woman. There seems to be a core wound inside me that is influencing  my self worth, relationships, and how I view the world in general. I know that it comes from my childhood trauma, yet I am not quite sure how to access it.  I have been taught about mother  Eve, and Mary, and other women beloved of God, but I do not feel like one of them. I have a lot of faith that God loves me, and I know after this life, I will be healed, I am just not  sure how to access that healing here, although confusingly i have seen so many layers of healing already in my life through the power of the Atonement via mental health help, overcoming addictions, releasing resentments, building healthier relationships and other things. I know the doctors have given healing  with the different surgeries (I know many are still in the future, but I have already been healed a ton.) Even though I see all this, there is still this hug...

  Continuing in Faith (a Journey poem #4) By Marie Slider Henriksen 5 December 2024   Have you ever wondered what it’s like to feel safe? Or how you can find comfort when life makes you chafe? Have you ever heard that voice from deep inside, That tells you that its time to get off this bumpy ride?   Have you been so lost, the idea of light was crazy? and sitting in the darkness made you feel less hazy? This is what my life was like, before the journey started, And here is what my mind was like, before the clouds had parted:   “Unmet expectations, resentments then frustration, Then logic out the windows, that’s the way my brain goes. Then loop-de-loop it goes around, Solutions to this can’t be found. In it I can’t stop this mess, I’m going crazy I confess.”   I couldn’t find a path to safety, I felt I had to fight Everything and everyone, each day and each night. I couldn’t find safety, I didn’t feel free, E...

W hy am I so scared to heal? Is it laziness? Is it fear? What am I scared of? Why don't I want to thrive, only survive? I have issues with isolation, laziness, distractions. How do I get out of this loop? I'm frozen, stalled. Procrastination and avoidance are my daily routines. Frozen 24 April 2022 Marie Slider Scared to heal, scared to live, Why is there no care that I give? Desire to run or walk away, But can't take a step to get out of my way. I'm frozen in a bubble of time, Completely surrounded by dust and grime. Cobwebs entangle my conscious mind, Body entangled by ropes that bind. Apathy threatens to take control, Darkening my beautiful soul. My light inside, it flickers and fades, Isolation cuts like sharpened blades. Fear of failure and fear of success, My brain and heart are completely a mess. Can't see a way out most of the days, My mind's labyrinth firmly betrays. Self-awareness, a strength to many who seek, For a person like m...

  Traveling Again (a Journey poem #3)  11 May 2022 Marie Slider I'm on that rough path again, though this time I see the lies, T hat Satan often tells me, but God, he hears my cries. Those rocks and sticks I've overcome, I thought would break my bones, Have only made me stronger, many times I have been shown. I'm not that same lost girl, who was stuck in the dark, The warmth of that calm spirit, resides within my heart. The darkness tries to overcome, but this journey has let me see, That I've walked this path before, and God can set me free. I have to push myself again, to walk this path of sorrow, And I know that, yet again, I may walk it tomorrow. Today, however, I can find that door that's so inviting, And be embraced by Heavenly Father, (isn't that exciting?) He will always give me peace, if I reach out my hand And I know that one day, I will permanently take that stand. But, if I have to turn around, and take another journey, Through t...

Not Lost 18 June 2020 Marie Slider Lost in my brain, feeling insane; not sure of where to go. Yearn to be free; what's happening to me? In a boat I cannot row. Thoughts reign supreme, or so it seems; where can I find release? Where can I run? This is not very fun; why can I not find peace? What's that I hear? It's not very clear; where is it coming from? A pitter a patter, I feel like this matters; the noise is that of a drum. It's not a loud sound, but it booms all around; A stirring within my heart. The spirit, it speaks; the brain starts to weep, for the curtains they finally part. They show a love there, that the brain said was bare, and so I could not see. How much I have grown; that I'm never alone; that Someone is holding me. The scars that I've earned, are lessons Ive learned and I cannot forget; The fact of the matter; I did not shatter, And I will not live in regret. So when I feel lost, and my brain feels tossed, I hope thes...

The Seed of Hope Marie Slider 10 April 2019 A seed of hope was given, by one who came before; I put it in my chest, to see if it could bore. The roots began to dig so deep, they wrapped around my heart; Planting themself firmly, so they could never part. That hope grew strong as tree trunks, reaching to the sky, Forever part of me, I'll have it when I die. That seed of hope was planted, somewhere in my past, And forever I will show the world, the way this hope can last. Sometimes my hope it hibernates, and it seems pretty bare. However I still feel it then, and remember I must share. My seed it must be watered first, but what can feed that hope? I cannot rely fully, on just the need to cope. The want to share is great and all, for now work must be done. For if I don't protect the growth, it could be overrun. I must gain understanding, of how hope can be changed, To faith where there's no room for doubt, that things have been arranged. My heart it must b...

A New Start 26 December 2018 Gratitude is something, I try to live each day, It's more than just a thank you, while passing on my way. It's a lifestyle I have learned, that helps me overcome, The struggles I am going through, and the battles I have won. It's a pathway to a freedom, money can't a ttain , Where fear of loss and heartbreak, no longer can remain . Many things have happened, in my crazy life. The pain from some of then, still cut me like a knife. Though I know that these memories, still make me sad some days, I know the pain is fading, into a blurry haze. I have hope in my heart, and faith in my spirit, For now I can help others, as they go through it. There's many God dots, I'm seeing each day, And I'm learning to connect them, no matter where they lay. I cannot change my past, or predict the future, I only have today, for healing to occur...

15 October 2018 I'm sittinghere in the VA psych unit, a place I never thought I'd be. My ego has always told me I had to do everything on my own. Asking for help was always taboo; at least the kind of help I really needed. I knew if I said the wrong thing to the wrong person, they would walk away from me, abandon me, and leave me on my own again. I had to be selectively honest. I had to change myself into the person I thought others wanted me to be. I had to put a smile on my face, so no one would ever ask me what was wrong, and look at me as less than. I had to get what I could from you, then push you away before you could hurt me. My walls were so thick, I became numb. I lost me. I then started hating me for the person I was turning into. I ran from those emotions and the carnal worldly lifestyle of addictions became my safety net, I could always count on them. They would never leave me. I could find them anywhere. This was my mentality for many years. Becoming sober was ...

Hope In The Fight 6 October 2018 The fight is still so real, it pulls me to and fro. It makes me feel insane, like I have nowhere safe to go. It yells inside my head, tells me I'm a fool; That in seeking out some help, I'm just another mule. I know that this is temporary, it will not last that long, And the purpose of this fight, is to make me strong. I know that there are others fighting right beside; Yet part of me still wishes, the fight would just subside. Depression and anxiety fill me to the core. I can tell you this much, this life is not a bore. There's beauty still around, faith and love still there; Even though I hide them, making me feel bare. I won't give into evil, it cannot have my life; Though it tries to overcome, and cuts me like a knife. I know that God is watching, offering His aid; Sometimes it's through angels, or offering a blockade. Sometimes it's through man who offer a kind deed; Or nature, music, scriptures; even in...

My Reality Marie Slider 9 July 2017 In an alternate reality, of days long past, Stood a broken little girl, in a rock hard cast. No one really loved her, that was what she thought. In her mind she was abandoned, left alone to rot. People all around her, would pick on her or tease, Taking it all personal, she told her heart to freeze. Her pain grew even deeper, when someone took advantage. So she knew she had to run, her emotions she must manage. The beginning was to fake a smile, in every situation; Becoming a chameleon, so she could prove her station. Next were the addictions, manipulating, lying; Before she even realized it, no longer was she trying. It became a way of life, no effort left at all; To run or drink her life away, was her only call. Going through the motions, not letting others in, She felt that to pretend, was the only way to win. She saw glimmers here and there, never finding peace, Running to wrong places, to try to get release. The people she...

Sister of the Night June 14, 2018 I look at the Moon and wonder, as she shines so very bright, That even through all she's suffered, she shows up day and night. She doesn't care that comets, have hit her many times. She doesn't care that Earth, can hide the Sun that shines. She doesn't mind the vastness, the universe entails. She just moves around so gracefully, as if guided by handrails. She glides above the storms, while we all run and hide. She's not restricted by the laws, that we create and "must" abide. Money is just an object, no value to her at all. She knows the only value, that matters is her call. She doesn't dress to impress, like most are prone to do. She shows up as herself, as God intended her to. She stays above the surface and gently guides below, To help the ships being tossed, by the winds that blow. She spreads her light to all in need, who may have lost their way. She i...

The last few days have been rough; and I mean gut wretching, tear filled, guilt ridden, head pounding, emotional volcano explosion, rough. For many years in my past, I have been someone that I don't even recognize anymore. I was scared, hurt, lost, chained by a repeated merry-go-round of habits I couldn't excape , I didn't know how to escape. Inside was a little girl crying to be released from the cage she had been forced into. As I'm learning to reach up to get the keys of willingness from the Creator above, I can see the light finally reaching through the darkness to show me the way. However, the muck and weights that I have been carrying, and adding to for so many years is trying to keep me down. I know they will not forever be there, and most days I wish I could just float up from the cage and be set free immedia tely, that would not give me the muscles I  need in future battles. Somes I feel like I just want to dig down deeper, hide, and pretend that little gir...

Fight for Freedom (a Journey poem #2)  Marie Slider  17 April 2018 At the end of the path the darkness gets thick. I push my way through, feeling this is a trick. When I finally see that door so inviting, I feel my breath catch and I know I'm surviving. Suddenly fingers start wrapping around me. They pull me so hard, I fall to my knee. They tug at my heart and tighten the strings. They make me feel many negative things. They get into my mind and wriggle my brain, Changing my thoughts to make me insane. They squeeze at my throat my words disappear, Until the end of my voice starts getting near. They blindfold my eyes with a blur so intense, The hope I saw before looks surrounded by fence. They tie up my feet so I can't take a step, Stealing away my vigor and pep. They reach for my hands so I can't touch the knob, My fingers I'm stretching, go numb and throb. However, this journey that God sent me on, Has given me muscles to help make me strong. I ...

Paying it Forward 8 April 2018 I’m not sure what to write about, yet I know that this is right. I have to keep using my words to stay within the fight. The fight for freedom and happiness has to begin with me. Or else my world is doomed, for all eternity. God gave me a voice to speak, in speaking I can find. The strength to move forward, if only in my mind. Writing helps release, the bonds upon my heart, I know I’ll never be finished, this is just a start. The journey is a long one, I know without a doubt. Sometimes I want to cry, others I need to shout. That does not diminish, the power of my words, For sometimes they take flight, just like little birds. To a broken heart that needs hope and love within, So on their own long journey, they can finally begin. There are many in this world suffering as I did, Because they felt alone, like a lost little kid. Someone was always there, though to them I was blind, And as I look within my past, it’s...

The War I Refuse to Fight 27 March 2018   It’s becoming clearer every day; the war that’s being fought, Between brother, sister, man and wife; hearts are turning to rot. There’s fighting, bickering, slandering and putting others down. Yet in the end, can you find anyone actually wearing a crown? Many find joy in stomping another’s small fire out, Can they not see the darkness they are creating all about? Others try to force their views, like they are the only way. Do we not live in a land of freedom for all to have their say? What’s the point in always putting the other guy down? Do you really enjoy the strain of constantly wearing a frown? Why do we hide our similarities and only bring differences up? In the end must we not all drink from the same bitter cup? Do you think the riches of this world are all you can achieve? Do you think the glory of beating someone, can change the way they believe? Why do we ...

I've had a rough couple weeks.  In my head alot, but I wrote this poem tonight. I'm sharing in hopes it may help someone else. The Mighty Foe 22 March 2018 There's a poem I once wrote about a mighty foe, It's like a dream when I think of so long ago. Back then it was just an average name, Of a liquidy substance some drank in shame. I knew it caused problems it was easy to see, I couldn't fathom to drink it, in the naiive little me. No one could make me, of that I was sure, My heart was still open, my intentions were pure. When I had been offered my first little drink, Something inside me decided not to shrink. I took a sip that I liked, then guzzled it down. If I had anymore I knew I would drown So I swore I would never pick it up again; Then my heart got shattered and my story began: Alcohol started to be my best friend. Anytime I was heartbroken it had an ear to lend. Everytime I was scared it gave me a hand, To help fight my battles or bur...

War, contention, fighting, violence, intolerance, hatred, bitterness, pain, resentments. Sound familiar to everyone? Yeah I thought so. It’s everywhere. EVERYWHERE!!! Negativity is prevailing!!! So it seems anyways. I lived in fear for years, which in turn made me participate in all of these things in one way or another. “No one likes me, everyone hates me; someone hurt me so I have to hurt them; someone made me mad, so I got a resentment; someone isn’t doing what I’m doing, what I want them to do, or what I think they should do, now I hate them because they are wrong; my ideas are better than theirs, I have to prove them wrong or at least I have to make others hate them too; there’s only one way to do this, or that; oh they may not like me (or any other assumptions), ok screw them all, I can do everything myself, and ill push them out of my way to get what I want; oh they look different than me, I hate them; oh they don’t think I’m pretty, I hate myself.” I could go on and on and o...

I started writing this, and I was fighting with the idea to post it, because I’m still working on the strength to continue on this journey of healing, after a little bump in the road. Then as I was reading the Bible, a certain verse was brought to my attention, and again I was prompted that I needed to share this. I’m not sure who this is for, please, just know that God loves you, and the wisdom I have, is that God is watching out for all of us, and He will give us the strength to get through pain, and help others. KJV Ecclesiastes 9:18 “Wisdom is better than weapons of war; but one sinner destroyeth much good.” Confined 22 February 2018 The simple thought to run, goes trailing through my mind, At a million miles per hour, it almost makes me blind. The idea that somehow I should have escaped; The mental confusion, why do I feel raped? That person never laid a finger on me. The fear, nevertheless, was complete reality. Feeling lost, torn, and broken, my ...

Insane Sanity 15 February 2018 This insane sanity that has taken over my mind, Is something, I wish everyone could find. It's the idea that in life, I can actually be free, From doubt, shame, fear and misery. For years I created many false stories, Written in my own mind's laboratories. Somehow I knew love couldn't be mine, And pushing everyone away, was totally fine. I told myself I would forever be, Victim, burden, slave for eternity. I told myself there was no way out, Adhearing to negativity and doubt. I always had hope, one day things would change. Yet I continuing firing down that same lonely range. I now know that was the true insanity, Continuing on that path of righteous vanity. My ego said I was better than everyone, Because I was the only person who wanted to run. When I finally let go, and let someone else drive, My vessel stopped taking so many nosedives. This is the thought that has taken over my life, And cut through all the lies, like a burning knife. Th...

Red Bird 15 February 2018 I wonder what the red bird sings as he's sitting on the branch, Would the words of his song eventually create a mighty avalanche? I wonder what his lyrics mean that I have yet to understand, If I sing his words to you what it mean the same without a band? I wonder if his thoughts would be of fear like most of us, Or would they be so powerful that my brain would turn to dust? I wonder how his day unveils, does he worry like we do, Or does he just fly around knowing God will guide him through? I wonder if the day will come I can sit down by his side, And learn how I can keep my song with me through the ride. I wonder if he truly knows the love I feel for him, For just like every creation of God, I see him as my kin.